Bah Humbug – A Christmas Poem

So, it’s 12 days until Christmas and there’s so much to do, I still need to buy presents, I’ve only bought two!

But the shops are so frantic, the shoppers are all crazed, the only spirit I’m getting into is a vodka induced haze.

The magazine covers feature wondrous festive scenes, with platters of exotic meats, homemade chocolates and cheese.

Oh, how I wish my home could look like these! Imagine ornaments that match, covering magnificent trees!

But alas my turkey’s disappeared, I think the kids set him free… And most of my decorations date back to 1993.

The stockings still aren’t hung by the chimney with care, because I simply can’t find them, and I’ve looked everywhere!

My halls are decked with just dog hair and dust, the bank accounts are empty, it seems Santa’s gone bust.

Perhaps I will just tell the kids, that this year they’re on Santa’s naughty list, for stealing Christmas cookies and sharpening Candy canes into shiv’s.

Ho, ho, ho little girls and boys this year there won’t be any gifts, he’ll just put coal in your stockings! If I can find them that is…

Hubby said “lets have Christmas lunch in the garden this year, chuck some prawns on the Barbie and lay back with a beer”.

But there’s so much to do, the whole family will be here! Salads and snags simply won’t cut it I fear…

Hubby told me “it’s fine, relax and stop trying to be a poser!” But my grass is dead, cause the neighbourhood kids stole all my hoses.

It would be sad, since we just lost the Easter Bunny to mixomatosis, but I swear Rudolph’s going to get lead poisoning if he keeps eating my roses!

Maybe I could just find a way to cancel Christmas this year? After all, I’m running out of Valium and my Doctors not here.

I could give the family all a reason why they shouldn’t appear, really Uncle Gav, wouldn’t you rather just stay home and drink beer?

Bah humbug I say to the ghosts of Christmas past, each year it comes quicker, times moving too damn fast.

So, this year children instead of a plate of cookies by the door, please just leave Santa a bottle of whisky and a straw.

AA04E3DB-DF00-413D-BAFE-3954474A1F9E
Worst Santa Selfie ever, no makeup, 6 chins! e ambushed me!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Mentally Speaking!!

MentalBooks. MentalMovies. MentalLife.

Reasons2Stay

Here to inspire and motivate you all!

Charles Heath - Author

Thrills, Spills, and just a dash of Romance

depressed earthlings

we are not alone

The Pensieve

It's named what it's named because it does what it does. And it does what it does because it's named what it's named!

Bittersweet turns

Deep Down Inside...

Dear M

the secrets we wish we could tell you...

2 girls, 1 gun

obsessively suicidal, compulsively blogging

Storm in a Wine Glass

I used to drink and now I don't

PsiHub

A Hub where we discuss Psychiatry and everything mental health related!

Her Patchwork Heart

A BLOG ABOUT BEING PAINFULLY HUMAN

Life In The Eyes Of Lauren

Struggling with mental health, I was sat on a psych ward and inspired to start my very own blog! So here we are, welcome to life’s in the eyes of lauren where I’ll be tackling difficult topics and sharing my personal experiences, mainly focusing on mental health but also social services, the care system, living away from my biological family, school struggles and just life in general! i am writing to help poeple, if that means ive helped one person, ive achieved my goal. I hope you enjoy reading, Good Vibes Only xoxo

%d bloggers like this: