I found this in the “notes” on my phone, I wrote it half a year ago when it was winter and I felt depression creeping back, most of my readers are northern hemisphere dwellers so it may be more relatable for you guys now anyway. I can’t remember if I have already shared it on the old blog or not, there are a whole lot of uncategorised things in that note pad and my filing skills aren’t my strong suite, so apologies if it’s a double up!
“When the only reality you can be sure of is the clutching of winters harsh claws against your bear skin and the swirling ice winds that whirl and dance around your head and freeze any remaining will to live in a false world.
Seasons like moods must follow one another, the giddy frivolity of spring must eventually fall into the darkness of Winter – for if we have never felt the cold how could we appreciate the warmth?
But it is anyone’s guess which season will finally take us from this place, which mood will be our last. Will we fly from the tree tops, smiling under fading summer sunshine or curl beneath frosted bed sheets, pillows dampened and salty.
We are told that we don’t live in the present moment enough and yet we never truly remember there was any other way that the very here and now. We don’t remember any other season to experience, we know the stories, see the photographs and relay experiences but we can’t feel the summer sun on our skin in the shadow of winter, or imagine the ache in our bones from winters deepest chill as the heat radiates around us, unrelenting and stealing breath.
The present moment is all we have ever had and all we ever will, no matter how many sunrises we see or sleep through, tomorrow will never come.
Consciousness renders me helpless to reality, I can only experience this, and you that; but here we are collectively captive in a shared moment, right here right now for me as I write this and right here, right now for you as you read it. Live or die over land and sea through the passage of time, changing seasons and changing moods, we have shared this moment together, right now for me and right now for you.”