I’m in Sydney for the night, had to take mum to a specialist this arvo so we decided to stay the night in Manly. So it’s 10:35 on a Monday night and I’m currently sitting alone in a bar after gambling away $120. It just took me 20 seconds to down a rum & coke that cost me $9. How’s your day going?
I’ve been pitifully depressed recently, which has coincided with what feels like the busiest week in history, people keep being nice to me and taking me places and Im feeling like an ungrateful cow about it, Im even struggling to pretend to enjoy myself.
It’s just sad and pathetic really, don’t worry, I can’t stand the sight of myself either, I haven’t even been reading blogs this week.
The fact that I’ve also had a shitty headache for three days which only finally lifted this evening hasn’t helped, the depression at least has also eased along with it – with the help of a pina colada and an assortment of painkillers.
After dinner I finally felt like being somewhere other than hiding under a blanket dreaming up new and improved ways to die, mum was tired and ready for bed, so rather than call it a night myself, I did what any reasonable person would do, I ditched mum at the hotel and went out alone.
So what does one do on her own on a balmy Monday night in Manly? Well there isn’t a whole lot of options really, Im not one for moonlight beach frolicking, well not by myself anyway, so I wandered around, spotted a pub with pokies and against my better judgement decided to get drunk and blow some money I don’t have.
I think I like being drunk alone, well not quite drunk, pleasantly buzzed. I do wish I’d brought my laptop here though, writing on my phone is a real pain in the ass.
It’s nice not having any responsibility for a few hours, right now I’m not a mother, not a daughter, not a wife, just a person with nobody to answer to but myself, I like it.