Euphoric Awakening?

*The air around me is literally sparkling, I can see every molecule that makes up existence itself dancing and fizzing around me. There are so many dimensions 5,6,7,8,9 I don’t even know, they appear infinite and yet structured, moving in strange patterns of planned pathways and calculated twists and turns. It’s a wondrous and enchanting sensation.

Shadowy figures move silently amidst the once stagnant air and the molecules seamlessly detour around them, their existence is on another plane, yet it is momentarily visible within my own. I breathe in allowing the life to flow into my lungs as the words of Shakespeare ring loud in my head only now heard for the first time. Oh, what beauty and wonder can be installed into our minds through these glorious, glorious words!

“…Devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sleep;

To sleep, perchance to dream- ay, there’s the rub:

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, …” William Shakespear

Words of a poet, a dreamer, a man who perhaps saw what I too, can now see, that the dreams of death are but the woken dalliances of life and that the dreams of life are but a glimpse at the eternity we have created unto ourselves through perception and weighing conscience. Buzzing with euphoric awakening anything is possible and I am inspired to write this version of my own sordid demise in the darkness…

Romanticised by seductive whispers of death,

I will lay upon the sodden ground,

In the mornings amber hue.

Promises of pains cessation and

Liberation from this troubled mind beguiling as

Notions of an unending dream befall me.

And as the sands of time gradually cease to fall,

The voices of angels carried by the winds call to me,

And beckon me to follow them home.

And in the quiet dawn,

As my open veins release their final crimson droplet unto the earth below,

My souls, cleansed from sin,

May return from whence they came.

Void at last of the sadness and sorrow that binds them in this life,

To now stand alone,

Unburdened from the heavy chains of expectance and will,

They fly now, into that once vacant abyss, free.


Oh yes, the sacred nirvana one feels when imagining a complete control over ones own end is so morbidly enchanting! In particular when the world has become once more an intoxicating frenzy of stimulation that in its amplitude, wholesome death serves to remind us of eternities sheer vastness…

But for now, I must rest, sleep to the soothing sounds of lyrical brilliance, before the fanciful blur of my most wishful dreams and the enticing call of visible existence threaten to remove me entirely and permanently from this realm and into their own.



*I apparently wrote this late last night, or possibly early this morning… I found it open on the ‘notes’ section of my phone so I’m posting it. I do remember becoming suddenly very wildly optimistic yesterday evening after I started to write a blog entry about my thoughts on gun control (I just reviewed it and its over 4000 words and quite scattered so I will have to do a fair bit of editing before posting it, if I do) I also made the family a lasagna from scratch for dinner and I recall having a shower for the first time in days, ‘seeing’ air molecules and feeling as though I was flowing as part of the water and then having mind-blowing sex…

Not sure if this is random hypomania or if it will turn into something? I’ve been so depressed lately that to wake up this morning at 5am feeling inspired and well rested is actually incredibly welcome… I’ll have to keep an eye on it but as I’m not currently hallucinating I will just see where it takes me…

9 Comments on “Euphoric Awakening?

  1. I’ve never experienced this with my bipolar. I forgot to ask my doc if I am bipolar 1 or 2 but I believe 2 because of my depressed states. I could not imagine seeing what you have, I’m sure I have on acid…lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 originally but that psychiatrist had only seen me depressed. I think that was upgraded to bipolar 1 somewhere in the midst of a game of musical hospitals… Nobody has specifically stated since or if they did, I don’t remember. Oh mania… when it is good it is so much better than any manufactured drug you could imagine, so seductive in its lure, equally as addictive and potentially destructive… When it’s bad I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. It is as though you are involved in a bitter fight to the end between God and the Devil, yet you are both of them. Perhaps God slipped a little something into my drink 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Amazing writing! Isn’t it incredible what wonders of creativity we come up with when we are like this? I am keeping a good ole eye on this state too, because it could be, in fact, hypomania for me as well. But you want to hear something my amazing psychiatrist told me? “It’s okay to have hypomania, it’s a part of you, it’s what makes you bipolar. I am not going to rob you of what makes you feel good. Too often bipolar patients become non-compliant because doctors want to numb that feeling with drugs. I am your doctor, you trust me, so I trust you.” I swear, changing doctors to this one last year, was the best thing to ever happen to me, in so many ways. Brilliant post! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Why thank you my dear! Oh I love your psychiatrist, she sounds like mine, open minded but appropriately caring! My darling husband tends to disagree though I feel, as after I have returned from my recent sessions he keeps asking if she’s ‘put me back on my meds yet’ how rude! He worries about my manias but likes my hypomania as long as he gets a chance to hide my credit card, he likes seeing me happy, likes the extra sex, the meals I make him, the way I keep the house clean… perhaps it turns me into the right shade of 50’s housewife! LOL


  4. Amazing writing Kate! You know, I could see and hear Jessie while reading your words. She’s bipolar 1. She writes in her ‘manic’ states – writes 10 000 word stories but then she’ll get distracted doing something else and the stories aren’t finished unfortunately. Incredible minds you guys have. xx

    Liked by 1 person

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