I am trapped inside a mind that either lights up like a Christmas Tree letting in more and more wonder or one that has shut down completely, abandoning all home and reason.

I’m exhausted.

Why can I find enlightenment with such intensity only to have it disappear from my body almost overnight? I am clutching desperately into thin air trying to recapture that empowering feeling of beauty and oneness, but it is no longer mine to hold.

My mind is splintered into shards of good and evil, elation and devastation, love and indifference. A collection of black and white polar opposites, bipolar opposites that are seemingly determined to build me up just so that they can destroy me.

Winter is upon us in more ways than one. The chilly air constricts my chest making it hard to breathe but I don’t care because I no longer want to breathe, I lie down and close my eyes, hoping that maybe the asthma can take me away from this stark and painful reality. As the cold burns through to my bones, deaths burning touch seems like a welcome reprieve.

I wish I had died during the mania, gone out on a high, safely encased for eternity within my bubble of spiritual nirvana, but I didn’t. I liked my little world of invincibility, until it shattered around me and I wasn’t. I flew high, but it seems not high enough to escape earths gravitational pull for without warning my wigs disintegrated and I find myself plummeting fast and furiously toward the rocks below.

The descent never gets any easier and now I fear the only view from the bottom will be that of the stars I will never again be able to touch.

2 Comments on “Descent

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Cyranny's Cove

Refuge of an assumed danophile...

Thriving Under Pressure

Positive Psychology & Stress Resilience

- Fighting the Good Fight -

Writer and Mental Health Blogger

The Smiles We Bear

The Smiles We Wear, Are The Burdons We Bear

Touching Madness

"A genius with an idiot's mind" ME


Fresh new content every 2 days at 12pm UK time :)

All Nina Rose

The anxious, depressed, and unfocused 20-year-old.

Uneven Jen

A Bipolar Life

Stephen L. Martin

Secular Spiritual Work, Mental Health, Science, Music and More

What?! You want to kill yourself?

A blog to help depressed guys talk

Bipolar For Life

Memoirs of a Wounded Healer

%d bloggers like this: