So Over Hospitals

I’m sitting in a super uncomfortable chair in the foyer of the hospital hiding because it’s too windy and cold to sit outside.

I’m not allowed to actually go into the emergency department today – there’s a new strict one visitor per patient rule due to COVID and my Mum’s already in with Dad.

I’m so sick of hospitals.

He collapsed again, they don’t know why yet, they’re running lots of tests. He’s very confused of course, but with the Alzheimer’s it’s hard to tell what’s “normal confusion” and what’s related to this particular collapse.

I’m so over waiting.

This chair really is super uncomfortable which doesn’t do much for my pain levels and I’m acutely away that I don’t have any pain meds with me plus I’m super dizzy even sitting.

I had a bit of a haemorrhage the other day and lost a fair bit of blood so my iron is through the floor and my GP is considering an iron infusion if it didn’t improve over the weekend and told me to rest until then but of course 2020 has its own ideas and so there’s no rest for the wicked.

I haven’t told Mum about the tumour yet, she’s really not up to that news right now. I’ll have to tell her soon though, surgery won’t be far away and I won’t be able to drive her places for 6 weeks so she’ll probably notice.

The GP already organised everything with the surgeon who will be able to operate in the smaller town near where we live rather than us having to travel to Sydney, it’s probably going to happen in a few weeks, I am kinda terrified but he’s apparently really kind and I think the GP might have a little crush on him LOL.

He’s also agreed to let my psychiatrist M sit in on the procedure and to all my other unreasonable demands so I appreciate that, still not happy about having surgery though – they’re going to do a full hysterectomy to make sure they get the whole tumour.

My GP keeps saying it “looks like it hasn’t metastatised and that still might be benign?” in a hopeful tone, but my blood marker thingys are all elevated too, the pains getting worse and I’m having new problems like the haemorrhage and some bonus new gastric bleeding so whatever it is it’s not looking great.

I’m too busy for this, how are my parents going to get to all their appointments if I can’t even drive them? Sighhhhhh.

Well hopefully they’ll work out if Dads latest problem is due to the cancer or the heart failure or something completely different ASAP and be able to settle him into a ward.

It’s shitty not being able to fix everything.

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