Sometimes night leaves you with nothing but an urge to burst from your skin. Darkness encompasses everything around you and all that’s left to do is run your fingers along your increasingly protruding bones and write words in your mind over and over until you go crazy or finally succumb and relinquish them to paper – or the ether…
It’s intense how much she calls to me right now.
Like echoes upon a summer wind, she whispers my name, sterner and sterner until I can ignore her hiss no longer.
Stalling, laughing, floating. It’s all a game to her.
She twirls and dances around me, beckoning me to go with her, summoning me to fly away with her. I want to but I can’t, or is it I can but I don’t want to? I don’t think I know anymore, I don’t think I ever knew.
We are nearly there again now, in that place, the same one where we’d met her so many years before.
Still fragmented yet somehow far less broken.
Old guilt, shame and fear barely seem to linger anymore, except for perhaps a moment, inside her siren song. Lost between the memories of that forbidden longing and still she steals my breath, the sweetest poison apple of my misty minds eye.
So I watch us in my sleep where I go with her once more, I reach to her outstretched hand and together we dance along in the wind, we drift as feathers, light, graceful, free.
I give her to my dreams so I may lie here awake and run my hands along my bones, while darkness screams at me at least I can still imagine I have choices, that my freedoms align with hers and theirs and ours.
So that tonight, I pretend I still get to be Me.