THE COLOUR OF MADNESS
A Blog About Living with Mental Illness
Category: depression
The Beast in the Darkness
Kim F, this one is for you (and anyone else who needs to hear it right now). You are already enough, and so much more. 💜 I know things are impossibly hard at the moment and it feels like life outside this pain has… Continue Reading “The Beast in the Darkness”
Shrodingers Secrets
I am but a box, and for as long as I live in silence the secret can both exist and not exist inside me. If I am the only living person in the world who knows, is it even still considered a secret? If… Continue Reading “Shrodingers Secrets”
Circles
When darkness falls over my broken heart, whispering winds run circles in my mind.As I hold on to the memory of dying, I wonder who was right.The nighttime highlights old shadows, beckoning out from deaths cozy lair.We’re fighting for a life I laid down… Continue Reading “Circles”
Dark Winter
We had discussed music in our therapy appointment. Music holds a lot of power over us, it can calm us down from a manic rampage or send us spiralling into madness depending on the day. We love every shade of it and treasure it’s… Continue Reading “Dark Winter”
Rewriting History
Things have been really hard lately, emotionally that is. All these things are happening around us that should be good, great even but a familiar shadow of shame hangs over me and I feel only numbness, fear and pain. Any writing I’ve done lately… Continue Reading “Rewriting History”
Tethered
Today is a woe is me day. It’s the day after my chemo infusion and the nausea is wearing off enough to examine my circumstances but the 48hr pump connected to my chest port coupled with fatigue is keeping me bed bound and unable… Continue Reading “Tethered”
Emu-ism
I wagged chemo this week. If I’m honest Im a touch on the depressed side right now and I just couldn’t face it. The thought of the cancer growing just wasn’t enough motivation to get out of bed. You know those days when you’re… Continue Reading “Emu-ism”
What a difference a year makes.
I have been going through old unpublished writings from my drafts folder and stumbled across this one. I can’t believe how much things have changed since this was written, though I guess 2020 was pretty much a decade long. If only we could go… Continue Reading “What a difference a year makes.”
Fractured
I say something insignificant and he answers abruptly. The vibe is off, I look at him. That expression on his face, the weight in the atmosphere fractures my heart and it makes me want to die instantly. Nothing else matters anymore. That look of… Continue Reading “Fractured”
Oracle
I just woke up to my nurse and a doctor who looked exactly like Ted from Schitts Creek standing over me saying my name and offering me an enema. Obviously I had to second guess my state of consciousness there for a moment, particularly… Continue Reading “Oracle”
