Category: depression

Be Careful What You Wish For

When I was a little kid I would make wishes, I never told a soul and yet they always came true. I was stupidly lucky in that regard. I’m frustrated that I can’t find out if it’s cancer or not until I have the… Continue Reading “Be Careful What You Wish For”

Good news, bad news

Well the good news is we had the CT scan and the abdominal lump is real, not just hypochondria. It’s also quite big which unfortunately means they want to remove it… Apparently they don’t know what it is at this stage, just that it… Continue Reading “Good news, bad news”

Fuck Valium

The shrink and the GP have been talking, apparently the GP is less delicate with words or remembering her lies than the ol P-doc and to be honest I’m a touch miffed after a phone call version of an appointment which was on the… Continue Reading “Fuck Valium”

Stalemate

The shame runs deep. It courses through my veins, part of my life blood, part of my DNA. The knowledge that I will never match up to my own expectations because of the inherent weakness of my coarse and ugly soul burns hotter than… Continue Reading “Stalemate”

Yesterday’s Tears

Sometimes I suddenly feel like crying, there’s no overt trigger, no relevant traumas, just sadness. It washes over me slowly at first, imbedding itself into my core over moments, hours, until time is an unobtainable memory. Grounding is impossible as objects, sounds and smells… Continue Reading “Yesterday’s Tears”

Yesterday’s Tears

Sometimes I suddenly feel like crying, there’s no overt trigger, no relevant traumas, just sadness. It washes over me slowly at first, imbedding itself into my core over moments, hours, until time is an unobtainable memory. Grounding is impossible as objects, sounds and smells… Continue Reading “Yesterday’s Tears”

Alone in a Crowded Mind

Things haven’t been going well for me lately but who am I to complain? Everyone in the world is currently adjusting to a new chapter of “life as we know it” frankly nobody’s got enough time to have to try & deal with my… Continue Reading “Alone in a Crowded Mind”

Deaths Shadow

Death had always felt a bit like a warm comforting blanket, perhaps because it seemed like something inevitable, something stable and certain in this crazy, uncertain world. Now it beckons me toward it again, as though a siren song directly from God. I see… Continue Reading “Deaths Shadow”

Footsteps

The sound of footsteps makes me catch my breath and hold it a moment, my body stiffens, my neck tenses to the side and my skin prickles. I have a need to run, to hide what I’m doing, to hide myself, to become invisible.… Continue Reading “Footsteps”

System Failure

Miss S took an overdose. 80 pills. She’s alive, but I have no details of how long they were in her system before they got her to hospital and started the drug to counter the effects. I don’t know if there’s long term liver… Continue Reading “System Failure”