THE COLOUR OF MADNESS
A Blog About Living with Mental Illness
Category: Dissociation Stuff
Zeitgeist
Time falls around me like broken glass, glinting in the sun. Memories reflect off the shards, twisting, turning. I remember you in a warm glow. A laugh, a smile, a red ribbon in your curly blonde hair, you were flying on our hill. Then… Continue Reading “Zeitgeist”
Learning to Fly
I spoke with a friend today, we were discussing the current lockdown situation and she expressed her frustration at not being able to go to therapy right now and that there was no realistic time frame for when things would go back to normal,… Continue Reading “Learning to Fly”
The Right to Fight
“My head hurts, I want to die, I’m not capable of handling this world, this life. I am shit and I’m so, so tired. I just want to sink into a hole and be left alone forever, sleep forever. End.They keep saying ‘you don’t… Continue Reading “The Right to Fight”
Identity and Grief
I’m constantly struggling to understand myself. Understand my selves. Unfortunately my memory of past events is so compartmentalised that every now and then something happens to challenge my beliefs about who I think I am and it throws me for a loop. My understanding… Continue Reading “Identity and Grief”
Super Ted and Finding Sarah
I need to get up and have a shower. It’s 7:30 am and I’ve been lying here awake since 5 but it’s cold, bitterly cold, too cold to survive the 4 metre dash to the bathroom let alone strip naked and wait for the… Continue Reading “Super Ted and Finding Sarah”
What’s in a name?
Life’s been funny lately. I’m not complaining, it’s just kind of strange. I feel different but I can’t properly explain how. Almost like I somehow merged minds with some other parts of us but couldn’t tell you who, why or when. I just suddenly… Continue Reading “What’s in a name?”
Dark Winter
We had discussed music in our therapy appointment. Music holds a lot of power over us, it can calm us down from a manic rampage or send us spiralling into madness depending on the day. We love every shade of it and treasure it’s… Continue Reading “Dark Winter”
Rewriting History
Things have been really hard lately, emotionally that is. All these things are happening around us that should be good, great even but a familiar shadow of shame hangs over me and I feel only numbness, fear and pain. Any writing I’ve done lately… Continue Reading “Rewriting History”
Mind Condos
This is a page from the old journals from 2018, I think Katie wrote it before splitting with Ezzy… it’s an example of some de realisation dissociation and mild paranoia experienced at the time. Today I went grocery shopping with Miss 9. Sounds like… Continue Reading “Mind Condos”
Many Hats
Tell no one of your storyTell no one of your woesTell no one of your secretsTell no one where you go.I have 100 hats for the 100 people in my head,the ones I don’t remember and the ones I still regret.Together we told our… Continue Reading “Many Hats”
