THE COLOUR OF MADNESS
A Blog About Living with Mental Illness
Category: Mental Illness
Lies?
Having memory problems is really hard. I sometimes get scared I have made up my entire existence. I don’t mean just the DID, I don’t mean half remembered traumas, I mean everything that has ever happened in my life, I mean every single experience… Continue Reading “Lies?”
Blank
Content Warning ⚠️ discussion of suicide which may be disturbing to some readers. Please decide if it is safe for you to continue & contact lifeline or your local suicide hotline if you are struggling. There is a gun lying at the bottom of… Continue Reading “Blank”
Fade
In a world filled with warmth, colour and fragrance I can’t help but feel surrounded by a dull, cold, vagueness and it seems that perhaps the echo of winters bite still haunts me. I feel like it might be coming time for us to… Continue Reading “Fade”
True Colours
Do you know yourself? Do you trust your memories, your feelings, thoughts and opinions to tell you who you really are? Let’s do a little exercise. If you are a regular reader here I want you to pretend for a minute that you don’t… Continue Reading “True Colours”
Identity and Grief
I’m constantly struggling to understand myself. Understand my selves. Unfortunately my memory of past events is so compartmentalised that every now and then something happens to challenge my beliefs about who I think I am and it throws me for a loop. My understanding… Continue Reading “Identity and Grief”
Dark Winter
We had discussed music in our therapy appointment. Music holds a lot of power over us, it can calm us down from a manic rampage or send us spiralling into madness depending on the day. We love every shade of it and treasure it’s… Continue Reading “Dark Winter”
Mind Condos
This is a page from the old journals from 2018, I think Katie wrote it before splitting with Ezzy… it’s an example of some de realisation dissociation and mild paranoia experienced at the time. Today I went grocery shopping with Miss 9. Sounds like… Continue Reading “Mind Condos”
All The Kings Horses
“All the kings horses and all the kings men, couldn’t put humpty together again” It’s May 12th again. Now 6 years since the start of the suicide attempt saga that should’ve ended our life, yet here we are. The story of this suicide attempt… Continue Reading “All The Kings Horses”
Seeds of Hope
Hope can be a dangerous thing, too little and we exist as a husk blowing through the winds of life. Too much and we risk the crushing disappointment of loss, failure or rejection. After a lifetime of protectively exiling hope from my thoughts, I… Continue Reading “Seeds of Hope”
A Dissociative Experience
I’ve been trawling through some of our old writings recently and found the below. I think it is a reasonable example of a dissociative experience and ‘co-consciousness’ written by one of the others a year or so ago and I thought it might be… Continue Reading “A Dissociative Experience”
THE COLOUR OF MADNESS 