THE COLOUR OF MADNESS
A Blog About Living with Mental Illness
Category: Suicide Stuff
Lies?
Having memory problems is really hard. I sometimes get scared I have made up my entire existence. I don’t mean just the DID, I don’t mean half remembered traumas, I mean everything that has ever happened in my life, I mean every single experience… Continue Reading “Lies?”
Blank
Content Warning ⚠️ discussion of suicide which may be disturbing to some readers. Please decide if it is safe for you to continue & contact lifeline or your local suicide hotline if you are struggling. There is a gun lying at the bottom of… Continue Reading “Blank”
Fade
In a world filled with warmth, colour and fragrance I can’t help but feel surrounded by a dull, cold, vagueness and it seems that perhaps the echo of winters bite still haunts me. I feel like it might be coming time for us to… Continue Reading “Fade”
Dear Lavender
Dear Lavender, I don’t remember our last conversation. When I left the office I was in the throws of mania, I’d lost all sense of self and reality and life had turned into a blurry upside down mess. When I think of you, I… Continue Reading “Dear Lavender”
The Right to Fight
“My head hurts, I want to die, I’m not capable of handling this world, this life. I am shit and I’m so, so tired. I just want to sink into a hole and be left alone forever, sleep forever. End.They keep saying ‘you don’t… Continue Reading “The Right to Fight”
Labyrinth of Shame
I say something insignificant and he answers abruptly. The vibe is off, I look at him.That expression on his face, the sudden weight in the atmosphere instantly fractures my heart and it triggers someone inside, her pain always makes me want to die instantly.… Continue Reading “Labyrinth of Shame”
The Suicide Dress
**Trigger Warning: Eating Disorders, Suicidal ideation. If you are feeling triggered please call your local suicide hotline. I remember the evening I bought the dress, it was 2013 and I was thumbing through a sale rack killing time before a psychology appointment and halfheartedly… Continue Reading “The Suicide Dress”
Suicide’s Siren Song
On the blog today, on chronic suicidal thoughts and accidentally overcoming a lifetime of suicidal ideation.
#suicide #bipolar #depression #dissociativeidentitydisorder #mentalhealth
Story Time…
*Trigger Warning* Anorexia, Suicide, Self Harm, Dissociation It’s so much easier to judge ourselves than to judge others, for some reason everybody seems to hold themselves to a higher standard than others. But we’re all human, we all make mistakes and thank goodness for… Continue Reading “Story Time…”
What a difference a year makes.
I have been going through old unpublished writings from my drafts folder and stumbled across this one. I can’t believe how much things have changed since this was written, though I guess 2020 was pretty much a decade long. If only we could go… Continue Reading “What a difference a year makes.”
THE COLOUR OF MADNESS 