THE COLOUR OF MADNESS
A Blog About Living with Mental Illness
Category: Suicide Stuff
The Right to Fight
“My head hurts, I want to die, I’m not capable of handling this world, this life. I am shit and I’m so, so tired. I just want to sink into a hole and be left alone forever, sleep forever. End.They keep saying ‘you don’t… Continue Reading “The Right to Fight”
Labyrinth of Shame
I say something insignificant and he answers abruptly. The vibe is off, I look at him.That expression on his face, the sudden weight in the atmosphere instantly fractures my heart and it triggers someone inside, her pain always makes me want to die instantly.… Continue Reading “Labyrinth of Shame”
The Suicide Dress
**Trigger Warning: Eating Disorders, Suicidal ideation. If you are feeling triggered please call your local suicide hotline. I remember the evening I bought the dress, it was 2013 and I was thumbing through a sale rack killing time before a psychology appointment and halfheartedly… Continue Reading “The Suicide Dress”
Suicide’s Siren Song
On the blog today, on chronic suicidal thoughts and accidentally overcoming a lifetime of suicidal ideation.
#suicide #bipolar #depression #dissociativeidentitydisorder #mentalhealth
Story Time…
*Trigger Warning* Anorexia, Suicide, Self Harm, Dissociation It’s so much easier to judge ourselves than to judge others, for some reason everybody seems to hold themselves to a higher standard than others. But we’re all human, we all make mistakes and thank goodness for… Continue Reading “Story Time…”
What a difference a year makes.
I have been going through old unpublished writings from my drafts folder and stumbled across this one. I can’t believe how much things have changed since this was written, though I guess 2020 was pretty much a decade long. If only we could go… Continue Reading “What a difference a year makes.”
Be Careful What You Wish For
When I was a little kid I would make wishes, I never told a soul and yet they always came true. I was stupidly lucky in that regard. I’m frustrated that I can’t find out if it’s cancer or not until I have the… Continue Reading “Be Careful What You Wish For”
Good news, bad news
Well the good news is we had the CT scan and the abdominal lump is real, not just hypochondria. It’s also quite big which unfortunately means they want to remove it… Apparently they don’t know what it is at this stage, just that it… Continue Reading “Good news, bad news”
Fuck Valium
The shrink and the GP have been talking, apparently the GP is less delicate with words or remembering her lies than the ol P-doc and to be honest I’m a touch miffed after a phone call version of an appointment which was on the… Continue Reading “Fuck Valium”
Stalemate
The shame runs deep. It courses through my veins, part of my life blood, part of my DNA. The knowledge that I will never match up to my own expectations because of the inherent weakness of my coarse and ugly soul burns hotter than… Continue Reading “Stalemate”
