The Colour Of Madness
Living with Bipolar Disorder & Mental Illness
Tag: bipolar disorder
A Million Shattered Dreams
I am currently sitting in my sanctuary, finally sitting at my computer for the first time in nearly six months of being confined to writing on my phone. Pink! Is blaring comfortingly in my ears, I have always liked Pink’s music but I had…
Strawberry Bubbles
Today I felt elated, my problems of yesterday just magically fell away. Today the colours of the earth shon brightly and vividly just for me. Today I had alcohol. Today I talked too much about personal things I shouldn’t say. Today I spent a…
Day Dreamers Sleeping
I don’t know how to tell the difference between what has actually happened and what was simply dreamt of anymore. Memories of my reality are exactly like those of my dreams and it takes detective work to sift through their feasibility before one can…
Elephants
The room is crowded. It’s full of elephants. My aunt has a ridiculously large collection of elephants, and ironically bipolar. Actually in hindsight, those two things are probably linked… Anyway. What was my point here again? Oh yes, elephants. 🐘 My last visit to my…
Surrounded By Myself
I’ve been struggling. I’m overwhelmed with responsibilities, frustrated by my inability to fix everything for everyone and disillusioned by the current political climate here in Australia, Hell, the world. But mostly I feel trapped, trapped by the very things I love the most,…
Emergeth the Phoenix
So, I’ve been hiding from the world for a little while now, I crashed into self-pity and depression, logged out of social media, turned off the computer and avoided real life as much as I could. But I survived it. I have been doing…
Talking To Strangers – Richard
I dropped off Miss 9 at a sleepover yesterday, because we live in the middle of nowhere the kids go to school in a more central small town about 40km away, the trouble is that is a central school and so all of their…
Run, Run, As Fast As You Can
*My intent here is NOT to glamorise suicide, I am NOT saying that it is ever okay, there are ALWAYS other options. I am just saying that I certainly UNDERSTAND why people reach a point where they decide to take their own lives and…
Jeff, Undrugged.
“So, why don’t you want to take the medication?” 1000 reasons I could possibly legitimise my decision to not medicate my Bipolar Disorder with swirl through my brain as I try and find one that you will accept, something you can understand. “Side effects…?…
The Noisy Now
I’m craving something right now but I don’t know exactly what, it’s like a deep urge to take/do something that’s going to fill this gnawing void in the back of my throat. I’m buzzing with those eager anticipatory fight or flight butterflies, not the…
Self Loathing
Self-loathing is something I have struggled with since I was a young child. On the whole, I am highly critical of my appearance, thoughts and actions, often taking on large amounts of guilt for things that are probably beyond my control and placing unrealistic…
Descent
I am trapped inside a mind that either lights up like a Christmas Tree letting in more and more wonder or one that has shut down completely, abandoning all home and reason. I’m exhausted. Why can I find enlightenment with such intensity only to…
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Looking After You
Poems
An excerpt from “Goodbye Notes”
“…But if you ever need me still,
Simply call me and you’ll see,
That I’ll be waiting in the garden,
By that big old apple tree.
I’ll listen to your stories,
I’ll listen to your dreams.
I’ll remind you of what you’ve forgotten,
And show you who you can be.
And then we’ll laugh together through memories,
As the light fades beyond the trees,
And I’ll tell you how much you matter,
And what you meant to me.”
