THE COLOUR OF MADNESS
A Blog About Living with Mental Illness
Tag: bowel cancer
Lemonade
I have just seen the report from my recent PET scan and there’s no evidence of metastasis showing up!I’m currently cancer free, stage four can kiss our ass because it’s time to make lemonade from all the bitter lemons we’ve been gathering for so… Continue Reading “Lemonade”
Tethered
Today is a woe is me day. It’s the day after my chemo infusion and the nausea is wearing off enough to examine my circumstances but the 48hr pump connected to my chest port coupled with fatigue is keeping me bed bound and unable… Continue Reading “Tethered”
Emu-ism
I wagged chemo this week. If I’m honest Im a touch on the depressed side right now and I just couldn’t face it. The thought of the cancer growing just wasn’t enough motivation to get out of bed. You know those days when you’re… Continue Reading “Emu-ism”
Cancer Update
Tomorrow morning we have our first set of CT scans since starting chemo. We’ve had 5 of 12 rounds of the chemo combo known as “folfiri” which is a combination of fluorouracil, irinotecan and folinic acid, we get this via IV infusion every two… Continue Reading “Cancer Update”
Suicide’s Siren Song
On the blog today, on chronic suicidal thoughts and accidentally overcoming a lifetime of suicidal ideation.
#suicide #bipolar #depression #dissociativeidentitydisorder #mentalhealth
Dear T
Dear T,Remember back in 2011, that conversation we had outside your old house? We sat in the car a good hour after we got home just talking. I’d confided in you how sometimes I knew things happened before they did, and how I’d seen… Continue Reading “Dear T”
Pixies and Poison
It’s 35 degrees Celsius today and I’m lying on a blue hospital recliner with a blanket shivering while chemo #2 courses it’s poisonous way around my veins. Has anyone else noticed how Hospital air conditioning always seems to be set 5 degrees below comfortable?… Continue Reading “Pixies and Poison”
Trust your body
I came across a letter from August 2020 written to my wonderful psychiatrist M that was stored in phone notes. I’m not sure if we ended up actually sending it to her or not but upon re reading it I’m deeply saddened by just… Continue Reading “Trust your body”
Peritonectomy
It’s been a big week, crazy week in fact and the short version is that I finally have a date for the peritonectomy surgery and it’s next week. Tuesday next week. Sunday night we head to Sydney ready for the pre op appointment on… Continue Reading “Peritonectomy”
Oracle
I just woke up to my nurse and a doctor who looked exactly like Ted from Schitts Creek standing over me saying my name and offering me an enema. Obviously I had to second guess my state of consciousness there for a moment, particularly… Continue Reading “Oracle”
THE COLOUR OF MADNESS 