THE COLOUR OF MADNESS
A Blog About Living with Mental Illness
Tag: cancer
The Right to Fight
“My head hurts, I want to die, I’m not capable of handling this world, this life. I am shit and I’m so, so tired. I just want to sink into a hole and be left alone forever, sleep forever. End.They keep saying ‘you don’t… Continue Reading “The Right to Fight”
Two old ladies
I hate feeling unwell like this, nausea passes over me in waves, the back of my throat burns and I struggle to see as the words I am writing move and blur as though trying to somehow escape themselves. This feeling is a stark… Continue Reading “Two old ladies”
Lemonade
I have just seen the report from my recent PET scan and there’s no evidence of metastasis showing up!I’m currently cancer free, stage four can kiss our ass because it’s time to make lemonade from all the bitter lemons we’ve been gathering for so… Continue Reading “Lemonade”
Seeds of Hope
Hope can be a dangerous thing, too little and we exist as a husk blowing through the winds of life. Too much and we risk the crushing disappointment of loss, failure or rejection. After a lifetime of protectively exiling hope from my thoughts, I… Continue Reading “Seeds of Hope”
Saying Goodbye
My Dad died on the 28th of December 2020.A good 10 days after a middle aged doctor in situationally inappropriate bright red Christmas themed scrubs told us he’d had a massive hemorrhagic stroke and would pass away within 48hrs. He was a fighter, my… Continue Reading “Saying Goodbye”
Tomorrow
I’ve been burning down invisible bridges,setting my heart on fire.Hiding in the shadows of a memory,collecting my fading scars Maybe the worlds still turning,leaving me in its wake.Maybe time is still passing, while I keep on raising the stakes. What if I lose who… Continue Reading “Tomorrow”
Tethered
Today is a woe is me day. It’s the day after my chemo infusion and the nausea is wearing off enough to examine my circumstances but the 48hr pump connected to my chest port coupled with fatigue is keeping me bed bound and unable… Continue Reading “Tethered”
Drama Queen
You know those people that never shut up? It feels like their life has been an endless soap opera and it’s exhausting to listen to them moaning and complaining. Surely they bring this shit upon themselves, surely they love the drama, feed off the… Continue Reading “Drama Queen”
Set Us Free
I was supposed to go into the city to have a blood test today to check I’m ok for chemo on Monday but the blood test place is shut due to the Easter long weekend even though Google says it’s open I rang to… Continue Reading “Set Us Free”
Emu-ism
I wagged chemo this week. If I’m honest Im a touch on the depressed side right now and I just couldn’t face it. The thought of the cancer growing just wasn’t enough motivation to get out of bed. You know those days when you’re… Continue Reading “Emu-ism”
