THE COLOUR OF MADNESS
A Blog About Living with Mental Illness
Tag: DID
Empty
I wanna see the blood running down my armsI wanna feel her poison drain awayI wanna plunge a knife deep into my shallow heart Swallow pills until I fade awayThere is a little girl, hiding in a corner.a broken soul,nobody wants her.Found a friend,… Continue Reading “Empty”
Labrador
The California skyline stretches out before me. It’s night time and the glow of lights, blinking from helicopter tails and city offices replaces the stars and illuminates my view. I watch in a trance like state as tiny cars pass through my bedroom along… Continue Reading “Labrador”
Portraits
“There may be a great fire in our hearts, yet no one ever comes to warm himself at it, and the passers-by see only a wisp of smoke.” Vincent VanGough Sometimes I feel lonely. Lonely in a crowded house, lonely in a crowded mind.When… Continue Reading “Portraits”
The death of Hope
I’m in M’s office sitting on a black couch looking at the horse picture on her wall. I’ve just described my current mood as depressed but when she asks for details on what I mean by that I am unable to define it any… Continue Reading “The death of Hope”
Lies?
Having memory problems is really hard. I sometimes get scared I have made up my entire existence. I don’t mean just the DID, I don’t mean half remembered traumas, I mean everything that has ever happened in my life, I mean every single experience… Continue Reading “Lies?”
Crumble
Nothing seems to matter anymore, all our words have gone to waste. I’m still chained up by our shadow’s law, still shackled by this face.As the walls around our prison crumble, and the outside world comes flooding in.hollow memories of voices rumble,cutting daggers through… Continue Reading “Crumble”
You Are Bad.
I talk too much. Always have, and as I have been trying very hard to accept and be okay with in recent years, I always will.This has been one of the biggest causes of our internal conflict as someone living with DID. My alters… Continue Reading “You Are Bad.”
I Am Me
“Authenticity. The quality I was so desperately seeking in others, was indeed the quality I was lacking and so desperately searching for within myself. The writers and poets were in fact mirrors to my own deepest self-needs and self-desires.”
Bring it on, 2022.
Okay, so I may be a touch pessimistic but I refuse to come here and say “next year can only get better” because I started saying that in 2015 after our suicide attempt then in 2016 I broke that mirror & Robin Williams died… Continue Reading “Bring it on, 2022.”
Blank
Content Warning ⚠️ discussion of suicide which may be disturbing to some readers. Please decide if it is safe for you to continue & contact lifeline or your local suicide hotline if you are struggling. There is a gun lying at the bottom of… Continue Reading “Blank”
THE COLOUR OF MADNESS 