THE COLOUR OF MADNESS
A Blog About Living with Mental Illness
Tag: dissociation
Identity and Grief
I’m constantly struggling to understand myself. Understand my selves. Unfortunately my memory of past events is so compartmentalised that every now and then something happens to challenge my beliefs about who I think I am and it throws me for a loop. My understanding… Continue Reading “Identity and Grief”
Acid Rain
Drifting through the currents of my mind,I find myself lost in a sea of thoughts.Through high tides and low,in the shadows of darkness we’d roam.We weathered the storms together,but now this journey takes me alone.I counted the grains of the sands of time,as we… Continue Reading “Acid Rain”
Mind Condos
This is a page from the old journals from 2018, I think Katie wrote it before splitting with Ezzy… it’s an example of some de realisation dissociation and mild paranoia experienced at the time. Today I went grocery shopping with Miss 9. Sounds like… Continue Reading “Mind Condos”
Labyrinth of Shame
I say something insignificant and he answers abruptly. The vibe is off, I look at him.That expression on his face, the sudden weight in the atmosphere instantly fractures my heart and it triggers someone inside, her pain always makes me want to die instantly.… Continue Reading “Labyrinth of Shame”
A Dissociative Experience
I’ve been trawling through some of our old writings recently and found the below. I think it is a reasonable example of a dissociative experience and ‘co-consciousness’ written by one of the others a year or so ago and I thought it might be… Continue Reading “A Dissociative Experience”
Part 4: Blackout
When we were around 13 or 14 we went back to the land of the long white cloud, once again as an unaccompanied minor. By this stage of our life our mental health was declining rapidly and we were just beginning the downward spiral… Continue Reading “Part 4: Blackout”
Broken Words
I am starting to lose myself again, I’ve had the burning need to lock myself away somewhere alone and just write until I’ve processed my entire life for a week now. I had a series of epiphanies that cracked open a box inside and… Continue Reading “Broken Words”
Forgettery
Last week we seem to of accidentally opened Pandora’s box of mental madness by opening up in therapy a little about one of the childhood trauma things we’ve been avoiding and now it seems I’m struggling to regain control. I keep wandering the house… Continue Reading “Forgettery”
Out Loud
I’m getting frustrated with parts of us,Recovery from trauma is a slow process, I understand that but We have been in therapy 5 years, longer actually because we had a different therapist before this one an I think we saw her for a couple… Continue Reading “Out Loud”
What a difference a year makes.
I have been going through old unpublished writings from my drafts folder and stumbled across this one. I can’t believe how much things have changed since this was written, though I guess 2020 was pretty much a decade long. If only we could go… Continue Reading “What a difference a year makes.”
