The Colour Of Madness
Living with Bipolar Disorder & Mental Illness
Tag: fear
Crouching Liar
Dear M, Maybe you understand me better than I do, or maybe you haven’t got a clue how this is going to work out in the end either. I’ve never actually asked you if you’ve had to deal with a person like me before,…
Airplanes & Apple Blossoms
The air outside is thick with the scent of wattle and Apple blossom, the icy chill of winter has finally passed and spring is here, well at least for a week or so, Jack Frost always comes back for one last bite before skipping…
Dying From Embarrassment
Embarrassment is my strongest kryptonite. When I am shamefully embarrassed I can go straight from happy go lucky to suicidal with no in between time. I’m okay with mild embarrassment about lots of things, ie acting like a dickhead on the internet, wearing my…
Fragments of a Fragile Soul
Kate saw someone from my past recently but either didn’t share or didn’t let me remember what happened, and now they have quietly crept into my subconscious. I am dreaming uneasy dreams as your movement wakes me gently from my slumber. I nuzzle into…
Cold Water
Do you ever wake up feeing like your heart is squeezing blood up in through the little veins in your throat, faster and faster until a metallic tang invades your tongue and taste buds, your chest vibrates, someone is grabbing hold of your sternum…
The Root Of All Evil
They say that money is the root of all evil and perhaps that is true, but I tend to think that fear is, or perhaps they go hand in hand. I mean guilt and fear certainly make a lot of people a lot of…
A Long Road To Nowhere
I’m so tired. Exhausted in fact. This is all too much for me right now, my heads full. Can I unplug from the world for a while? Please? Simply sleep, be still, be quiet with no demands placed upon me other than simple existence? I…
Maybe There’s Hope After All
Last week when I walked into my psychiatrist’s office I was suicidal and broken, I had left feeling even worse than I started which was only fueled by a parting comment by my psych about eating cake which I wrote/whined about here, anyway, she…
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Looking After You
Poems
An excerpt from “Goodbye Notes”
“…But if you ever need me still,
Simply call me and you’ll see,
That I’ll be waiting in the garden,
By that big old apple tree.
I’ll listen to your stories,
I’ll listen to your dreams.
I’ll remind you of what you’ve forgotten,
And show you who you can be.
And then we’ll laugh together through memories,
As the light fades beyond the trees,
And I’ll tell you how much you matter,
And what you meant to me.”
