THE COLOUR OF MADNESS
A Blog About Living with Mental Illness
Tag: mixed episode
Self Loathing
Self-loathing is something I have struggled with since I was a young child. On the whole, I am highly critical of my appearance, thoughts and actions, often taking on large amounts of guilt for things that are probably beyond my control and placing unrealistic… Continue Reading “Self Loathing”
Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star
My nails are painted navy blue with silver sparkles, I had them done like that a few weeks ago to represent my connection with the universe that I felt so strongly at the time. Of all the billions of beautiful stars twinkling in the… Continue Reading “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”
Coming Of Age
I watched a documentary yesterday and there was a guy on it who was suffering from ‘delusions’ who was convinced he was going to die on or before his 18th birthday because the voices told him he would. He had tried to kill himself… Continue Reading “Coming Of Age”
When Your Inner Voice Is Trying To Kill You
I always tell people to ‘trust their gut’ when they are making decisions, generally it is a statement I wholeheartedly agree with, but when I am unwell I can’t tell if my gut instinct is trying to keep me safe anymore, or if it… Continue Reading “When Your Inner Voice Is Trying To Kill You”
Leap Of Faith
*note: I wrote this yesterday, when I was very scattered. I’m feeling much better today but in the interests of writing honestly I thought I would post it anyway. What exactly am I running from? Melancholy has been my default setting for as long… Continue Reading “Leap Of Faith”
Trying Not To Fall
I am typing this on my lap top, I like the weight of the keys under my fingers better than my new Apple Mac, the one I bought on a whim the day before I dyed my hair blue, living in the moment and… Continue Reading “Trying Not To Fall”
Perspectives
It’s funny how a life event, such as attempting to kill yourself in my case, will change your perspective on the little things. I watched the movie 50 First Dates last night, you know the one with Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler, where Drew’s… Continue Reading “Perspectives”
Self-medicating
My friend JP is lovingly badgering me about my non-compliance at the moment, this was his reply to a twitter chat we had when I admitted I had wagged therapy, was self-medicating and not spoken to my doctor: “What is it you are self… Continue Reading “Self-medicating”
The Carnival in my Mind
Fast, furious, upside down and around in circles, it’s the ultimate adrenaline rush. The whole time you violently zigzag around in your ill-fitting seatbelt, your insides are screaming to get outside, you desperately want to get off the ride that you just know… Continue Reading “The Carnival in my Mind”
Coping. Or Not.
Coping is a funny thing, you just do and you do until suddenly you can’t, so you don’t and then everything crumbles around you, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. My mind is teetering on the edge of reason and I am fluctuating between… Continue Reading “Coping. Or Not.”
