THE COLOUR OF MADNESS
A Blog About Living with Mental Illness
Tag: paranoia
Mind Condos
This is a page from the old journals from 2018, I think Katie wrote it before splitting with Ezzy… it’s an example of some de realisation dissociation and mild paranoia experienced at the time. Today I went grocery shopping with Miss 9. Sounds like… Continue Reading “Mind Condos”
Footsteps
The sound of footsteps makes me catch my breath and hold it a moment, my body stiffens, my neck tenses to the side and my skin prickles. I have a need to run, to hide what I’m doing, to hide myself, to become invisible.… Continue Reading “Footsteps”
On Multiplicity and Madness
I think the moment I became truly afraid of my own mind was after witnessing another of my ‘selves’ spend hours combing over old MRI films and scouring the internet, she was sifting through medical dictionaries and thesauruses working out how the hell to… Continue Reading “On Multiplicity and Madness”
Why is everyone looking at me?
Today I went grocery shopping with Miss 9. Sounds like pretty standard Saturday, except I spent most of the time unsure if she was really with me or not, doubting her presence and intermittently her actual existence at all. People seem to look at… Continue Reading “Why is everyone looking at me?”
Schrodingers Mind Games
Dear M, A terrible thought dawned on me once a long time ago and it never quite managed to leave the dusty corners of my mind. It comes back to remind me of its presence at times when doubt begins to cloud my heavy… Continue Reading “Schrodingers Mind Games”
Day Dreamers Sleeping
I don’t know how to tell the difference between what has actually happened and what was simply dreamt of anymore. Memories of my reality are exactly like those of my dreams and it takes detective work to sift through their feasibility before one can… Continue Reading “Day Dreamers Sleeping”
Elephants
The room is crowded. It’s full of elephants. My aunt has a ridiculously large collection of elephants, and ironically bipolar. Actually in hindsight, those two things are probably linked… Anyway. What was my point here again? Oh yes, elephants. 🐘 My last visit to my… Continue Reading “Elephants”
The Importance of Perspectives
Yesterday I saw my psychiatrist M. I consider it as my best session to date because in all the madness and confusion of my last few weeks I had a monumental breakthrough. I have trusted M with many things, however I hadn’t yet been… Continue Reading “The Importance of Perspectives”
Balloons
***trigger warning -suicide*** Again! AGAIN! This coincidence shit is getting way out of hand. I went to the shops today because we were out of food and I have a family that relies on me to feed them. I fell into a puddle of… Continue Reading “Balloons”
The World’s Stage
I have always questioned the reality of the world I live in. From a young child I remember wondering if I was being tricked by all of the adults in my life, certain things I was told just didn’t add up to me. I… Continue Reading “The World’s Stage”
