THE COLOUR OF MADNESS
A Blog About Living with Mental Illness
Tag: suicide
Dear Lavender
Dear Lavender, I don’t remember our last conversation. When I left the office I was in the throws of mania, I’d lost all sense of self and reality and life had turned into a blurry upside down mess. When I think of you, I… Continue Reading “Dear Lavender”
Deaths Landing
It’s a beautiful spring day and an unassuming 10m x 5m concrete pad sits quietly in an open space surrounded by green grass. This innocent slab of concrete has seen more than its share of carnage, loss, desperation and fear in its time, but… Continue Reading “Deaths Landing”
The Beast in the Darkness
Kim F, this one is for you (and anyone else who needs to hear it right now). You are already enough, and so much more. 💜 I know things are impossibly hard at the moment and it feels like life outside this pain has… Continue Reading “The Beast in the Darkness”
The Right to Fight
“My head hurts, I want to die, I’m not capable of handling this world, this life. I am shit and I’m so, so tired. I just want to sink into a hole and be left alone forever, sleep forever. End.They keep saying ‘you don’t… Continue Reading “The Right to Fight”
Acid Rain
Drifting through the currents of my mind,I find myself lost in a sea of thoughts.Through high tides and low,in the shadows of darkness we’d roam.We weathered the storms together,but now this journey takes me alone.I counted the grains of the sands of time,as we… Continue Reading “Acid Rain”
Death’s Playbook
It’s hard to fight against such a friendly foe, to ignore its whispering promises of a rest long awaited, a peace long forgotten when one is so desperately sought. The distorted images of a thousand yesterday’s and infinite tomorrow’s play over and over in… Continue Reading “Death’s Playbook”
White Walls
Poem from our journal inside the psych ward circa June 2015 As dawn rises again from my window,and the birds sing their morning callIt’s clear I’m a drifter in my own life,maybe you were never here at all. My mind has turned against me,and… Continue Reading “White Walls”
Lemonade
I have just seen the report from my recent PET scan and there’s no evidence of metastasis showing up!I’m currently cancer free, stage four can kiss our ass because it’s time to make lemonade from all the bitter lemons we’ve been gathering for so… Continue Reading “Lemonade”
All The Kings Horses
“All the kings horses and all the kings men, couldn’t put humpty together again” It’s May 12th again. Now 6 years since the start of the suicide attempt saga that should’ve ended our life, yet here we are. The story of this suicide attempt… Continue Reading “All The Kings Horses”
Labyrinth of Shame
I say something insignificant and he answers abruptly. The vibe is off, I look at him.That expression on his face, the sudden weight in the atmosphere instantly fractures my heart and it triggers someone inside, her pain always makes me want to die instantly.… Continue Reading “Labyrinth of Shame”
