THE COLOUR OF MADNESS
A Blog About Living with Mental Illness
Tag: suicide
The Right to Fight
“My head hurts, I want to die, I’m not capable of handling this world, this life. I am shit and I’m so, so tired. I just want to sink into a hole and be left alone forever, sleep forever. End.They keep saying ‘you don’t… Continue Reading “The Right to Fight”
Acid Rain
Drifting through the currents of my mind,I find myself lost in a sea of thoughts.Through high tides and low,in the shadows of darkness we’d roam.We weathered the storms together,but now this journey takes me alone.I counted the grains of the sands of time,as we… Continue Reading “Acid Rain”
Death’s Playbook
It’s hard to fight against such a friendly foe, to ignore its whispering promises of a rest long awaited, a peace long forgotten when one is so desperately sought. The distorted images of a thousand yesterday’s and infinite tomorrow’s play over and over in… Continue Reading “Death’s Playbook”
White Walls
Poem from our journal inside the psych ward circa June 2015 As dawn rises again from my window,and the birds sing their morning callIt’s clear I’m a drifter in my own life,maybe you were never here at all. My mind has turned against me,and… Continue Reading “White Walls”
Lemonade
I have just seen the report from my recent PET scan and there’s no evidence of metastasis showing up!I’m currently cancer free, stage four can kiss our ass because it’s time to make lemonade from all the bitter lemons we’ve been gathering for so… Continue Reading “Lemonade”
All The Kings Horses
“All the kings horses and all the kings men, couldn’t put humpty together again” It’s May 12th again. Now 6 years since the start of the suicide attempt saga that should’ve ended our life, yet here we are. The story of this suicide attempt… Continue Reading “All The Kings Horses”
Labyrinth of Shame
I say something insignificant and he answers abruptly. The vibe is off, I look at him.That expression on his face, the sudden weight in the atmosphere instantly fractures my heart and it triggers someone inside, her pain always makes me want to die instantly.… Continue Reading “Labyrinth of Shame”
What To Expect When You Call Lifeline
As you may or may not know, I have a website attached to this blog, it has various pages about mental health things. Anyway, among it I have a page called What to Expect When You Call Lifeline which has been getting an absurd… Continue Reading “What To Expect When You Call Lifeline”
Seeds of Hope
Hope can be a dangerous thing, too little and we exist as a husk blowing through the winds of life. Too much and we risk the crushing disappointment of loss, failure or rejection. After a lifetime of protectively exiling hope from my thoughts, I… Continue Reading “Seeds of Hope”
Set Us Free
I was supposed to go into the city to have a blood test today to check I’m ok for chemo on Monday but the blood test place is shut due to the Easter long weekend even though Google says it’s open I rang to… Continue Reading “Set Us Free”
